I don't think that I have ever seen a more jealous child. Natalie is extremely on the needy side of things. I am sure that eventually it will get annoying but for now it is CUTE. She is trying her hardest to get in the way when we are holding the baby. She used to want to hang out with me but now she wants whomever happens to be holding the baby.
We are so glad our little Mia is home. The girls have been big helpers so far, and we are just so glad our family is all together. You forget from child to child what it is like bringing a newborn home, and how much they sleep. She has been a good baby for the whole day and a half we have had her home so we hope that continues. Hailee loves to hold her for long periods of time, Abby wants to help me take care of her in any way she can, and Natalie is adjusting to not being the baby and it is a better adjustment than we actually thought it would be. Mike has been a SUPER DAD this week and I am so appreciative to him. We both spent some time at the hopital with Mia and he changed more diapers on Mia than he has with all the other three combined. She manages to need a change before, in the middle and at the end of her feedings. He had things under control at home when I was at the hospital and I think he is a better stay-at-home-dad than I am at being a stay-at-home-mom. The girls loved having him home for the week. He has been very patient with me, I am such a lucky woman. We feel very blessed to have 4 healthy girls.
I cannot sleep because I feel like my baby is sitting in a hospital alone and that she needs me as her father to be there with her. I have been emotional all day. I know what the answer is, but am having a hard time accepting that answer. It isn't like this is a life threatening thing, at least we hope not, but I don't just want her to be alone. I already have this connection that I cannot explain. Yet I have maybe spent a couple of hours with her.
I want her to know that I love her and I cannot stop thinking about her. We have been praying a lot and we have given her a blessing. It is the same feeling that I get when one of our kids is sick. It is just amplified by the fact that we are home and she is somewhere else.
I want to be strong for my kids and wife and give them a shoulder to cry on and reassure them that things are okay. I find myself slipping away to cry because of the unknown. We have had doctors tell us that she is fine, that everything is precautionary and others act like she is dying. I am frustrated with the level of clear cut answers. I know that she is only a day old and that they cannot have immediate answers, but the unknown does not help my state of mind.
The latest is that they will find out tomorrow if it is an infection. One doctor that Kim talked to tonight said that he heard a murmur in her heart which most likely means that she has a valve that isn't closing all the way yet. He said that generally that means 7 days for monitoring and by then it usually corrects itself. All said, we still don't know. We just have to act like we are okay and answer everyone's calls when all I really want is for her to be healthy and home.
Mia means Mine in Spanish. I am so happy that we can finally touch her and she is ours. I, on my emotional roller coaster, am all sentimental right now. Listen to the song. If you were at our wedding, you may recognize it as the one that I sang for Kim.
It really is amazing how Kim manages to pop babies out like a pez dispenser. She is definitely one of the strongest people I know and that isn't just because she had a little liquid courage in the form of an epidural. She was on her paper route this morning and started having contractions at 4:00am. They were spaced 10 minutes apart and she finally called me at 6:00am to let me know that she planned on making the trip to the hospital with or without me. I reluctantly got all the girls up thinking, "YAY!!!!!" I have been jonesing for a baby. I got them all up, got them dressed, and had them lined up on our bed ready for mom to come home. Finally ~7:20am Kim comes strolling in with her tell-tale ink smudge on her nose from excessive contact with newspaper. I requested that she take a shower so we didn't look like we had been snorting ink all night. She fortunately obliged, good thing too cause I was prepared to spray her off with a hose when she stepped outside.
We dropped the girls off at Kim's parent's house (most people cannot stand their in-laws but I am blessed not to be one of those people. They are easy to love) and off we went to the hospital. I know, I am being a bit verbose tonight, but indulge me cause I am emotional. We got there and the nurses said that we were going back home because Kim always has to smile, they didn't think that she was in enough pain. Finally after hearing from 2 people that we were headed home they finally called her doctor and he said, "no way." They admitted us and he came down to see her. Knowing how much she likes epidurals he automatically said that they needed to put her on one. Once they got that in they broke her water and started the pitosin drip. A few hours later and she was ready. Our favorite doctor in the WORLD, Dr. Carlson came in and checked her and then ever-so-kindly said, "Don't Push". He got his scrubs on and waited about 10 seconds for a contraction and plop, there was the babies head. He physically held her in while he sucked her nose and mouth and then she came pouring out.
Since then we have had a bit of drama with a doctor that is NOT our favorite doctor, I understand his concern but his bedside manner sucks. Needless to say our 4 hour old, 6lbs 5 oz, Mia Addison Munn is now in the NICU with complications from what they think is a premature birth. She is literally perfect except she is making a sound like she is clearing her throat. They took her down after the resident Pediatrician scared the, if I cussed online I would, shiznit out of us. The doctor, who has a wonderful bedside manner, in the NICU actually explained to us what to expect and what was going on, and we feel a lot better now.
Kim is sleeping now, a WELL DESERVED REST, and I am so proud of the way that she is. She truly is the perfect woman for me. She never complains, she always wears a smile, and is absolutely beautiful to me. I am constantly amazed at how strong she is and am blessed that she loves me. Thank you for my new baby girl Kim. I will try my best to be the dad that she deserves and the husband that you deserve. I love you very much.
